Coming to terms with some truths in my life

Okay this is not really a post I want to write. But it’s a horrible truth that I feel has to come out because it’s been eating away inside of me for the past two days and ruining my quality time with my children and my ability to work properly.

If my routine changes I’m beginning to realize I get really anxious. I’m also anxious about things like possessions, I get worried that my MacBook will get stolen for example. It’s a rational, and when I had the screen replacement done the other day I had this irrational fear it was not coming back.

I went out on a date last night and I got panicky about where it would ever go. The guy was lovely and got a really fine and I really want to see me again, but my head has flooded with all sorts of stuff that really shouldn’t be in there at this stage.

All that anxiety has eventually got the better of me and I had to just crawl into bed as soon as the kids went to bed. I’m writing this on my MacBook under the covers. I really am genuinely hiding away from the rest of my life at the moment. The nice guy I met this text me asking if I want to meet again, but I’m playing it cold and haven’t replied.

It’s not really as I really do want to meet up with him again, but I just feel so anxious and brittle at the moment but I’m not sure what to do. I think part of the problem is body anxiety, I’m actually seriously considering going on a juice diet for a few days in order to minimize my wobbly bits.

Perhaps it’s all going back to that anxiety about meeting someone new, and trying to fit them into my life?

So as you can see, it’s not been a great day for me and I’m hoping that tomorrow will be a better one. I think I’m going to write here, in order to make myself do it.

1. I’m going to get up tomorrow in a better mood.

2. I’m going to text the guy back and arranged to go out with him on a date this weekend.

3. I’m going to stop worrying about whether my MacBook gets broken again.

I’m going to basically get up tomorrow and try and deal with the anxiety that I’m facing at the moment, because if I don’t I can see it escalating out of all proportion.

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